Hello my dear EH,
I know you're probably going to be the only one getting anything worthwhile from reading this blog. So here's my first post that's directly addressed to you.
Today's the first semi-ok day without you. It has been really disturbing to know how emotionally and physically addicted I am to you! I suppose we can attribute that to the fact that it's only been 5-1/2 months since that first kiss. Oh, that kiss was so sweet, even though I had to get some alcohol into both of us in order for it to happen ;) I'm listening to Sun Kil Moon... Love them! So sweet, the music really reminds me of you... just wonderful and so soothing. Oh, to have you in my arms right now... I love your sexy voice, your strong hands, your great smile, your gorgeous blue eyes, ... the way you look at me, the way you break into song, singing purposely off-key just to make me smile... :'( I miss you still. I'll miss you till the day you get back.
I had a chance to talk with Linda today, and a couple of my Ontario friends on msn. It was good for me, especially since I've been hibernating since you left. No need for my friends to see me in that condition. I went to Banyen books today too, which was also good. It's about time that I had the time to do all this reflecting. I think I have to finally deal with this depression that has set upon me, apparently so suddenly. Actually, it has suddenly occurred to me that I've probably felt this depressed for a while: about my life, the state of the world, and Life in general. You enabled me to forget about it somehow. But our time apart is forcing me to at last take a good looooooooong look at it. And I think it's something that I've been needing for a long long time.
Maybe this time for reflection has been necessary ALL my life...? It's just that the timing is right for it to be uncovered/discovered and something really done about it. I think it has something to do with my long lost spirituality. I'm STILL searching for something. Of course, the fact that I haven't found complete fulfillment from work probably adds to the yearning feeling. I think my yoga practice, meditation, and thinking about things spiritual will help me with this search... whatever it will yield.
I just want to be able to harness all this sadness and emotion and be able to experience life in all its forms as deeply as I possibly can.
Does this make any sense?
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