Hmmm... musings

I had myself an interesting day, EH... It's so funny how things in my head are so clear. One would think that, even when one is deeply involved in a wonderful relationship, one would be able to maintain a secure sense of individuality. But we are all connected somehow. And there's no doubt that someone I respect so intimately and in every way would have some affect on the way I see and think about the world, don't you think?

Now that you've been gone for over a week (this day marks the end of day 10 ... only 31 days left!), the thoughts in my mind have become so clear to me! There are no distractions along the lines of: I wonder what he's doing right now, maybe I should just call him to see what he thinks we should have for dinner? what should we do tonight? what movie shall we rent? ... Don't get me wrong: I love all of it! I love all of you! But really, this has been a really challenging way for me to reflect on the other things in my life without having you influence it so deeply. For one thing, I had been going through some sort of pre-mid-life crisis and depression before we started going out. So, getting together with you just helped me postpone having to deal with it at all. Now that I'm alone it's popped up again, as these things always do. And I'm grateful that it has... Because it's at times like this (if we can only remain open to the possibilities) that we have the opportunity to learn some really useful things, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel. I've been feeling really really really uncomfortable. It feels like growing pains... without all the acne... I can, however, feel the physical discomforts of adult-onset acne in the creaks and groans of my body as old age slowly comes on. It feels like I'm going through some sort of adolescence, a new transformation.

You remember that I'm going vegetarian, right? Well, I've managed to keep up with my goals even in the face of temptation tonight. We had a team dinner since our boss is visiting from Paris, and you know how indulgent those celebrations can be... His director took us out to dinner and it was good to be able to meet him and chat with him. Even as some of our team members ordered beer after beer, I knew that it wouldn't do me good, especially at this time. The only thing that I overindulged on tonight was the chocolate, which for me, is a very good step in the right direction. I will not be hungover when I get to work tomorrow morning at 8am (for a meeting). I do not feel too full. And I have been pretty good at doing yoga in the mornings at least 2/wk since you left. This week, I'm aiming for at least every morning. I find it extremely grounding, given my habit to think negatively about everything that is going well in my life. The breathing exercises are just fabulous! I could feel the effects of it later on in the day!

Well, I really hope to hear from you soon. I hope you're alright. I miss you terribly.

I will post some pictures if I have the time... but, then if I do, this blog might not be so anonymous anymore!

hugs and chocolate kisses...